Bozo Criminal of the Day

From Topeka, Kansas. At around 3:30 AM, cops were called to a report of a disturbance at a convenience store. Upon arrival, they found a naked teen, covered from head to toe in some sort of white substance. He had damaged some items inside the store before heading outside and jumping into a running vehicle, which he promptly crashed into a pillar. Further investigation determined he was covered in ranch dressing and under the influence of an unknown substance. He was taken into custody before being rinsed off and released to his parents.  HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE THE NEWBIE ON THIS CALL..OK ROOKIE, TAKE A SCOOP OF THAT WHITE STUFF AND TELL US WHAT IT TASTES LIKE.